Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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