Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
