i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I look better un-naked...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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