just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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