a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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