Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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