HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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