Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
