you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
