He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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