You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
two words: eviction party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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