The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
