allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
