she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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