i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
