david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
