dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
