Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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