I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
