drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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