Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
