Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they need to just BURY HIM!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
