My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
