yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
