is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
