my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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