AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
