shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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