It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
