Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
