i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.