i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform