He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
