Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
