I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
