11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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