so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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