Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
