Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You've changed since you got that strap on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
