he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
