I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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