I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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