Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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