Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
