I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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