apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
