I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
