So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
