Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can text with my tongue
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
