Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
