My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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