will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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