i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
