I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
