theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
