My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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