I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
