I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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