it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Enjoy the penises
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
