I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
