the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
