i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
