Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
