I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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