NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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