She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
