If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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