she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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