I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
