i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
