I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
