Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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